I’ve been obsessed with the idea of deconstruction lately. It’s all I can think about. I’m trying to make myself into a mind map where everything is stripped and carefully examined. I need it so I can make my next step.
Oh, those long and fleeting twenties! And as I’m stuck in this uncertainty about what’s next, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m okay and that this is a good stage, because you can only go up from here.
And then…
I saw a creator on social media who said: “You’re using the comfort of becoming to avoid the discomfort of being.”
Now, I struggle with the fact that I don’t make a distinct line between something that is just well-said and something I resonate with, so I often take it as my truth, even though it no longer is, or I don’t find that feeling as familiar anymore.
But this quote does align with what’s been on my mind for a while. I constantly use that grey area as an excuse when things don’t work out, when I’m too scared to start, or when I have to admit I’m scared.
Nothing is permanent (and nothing is, but), I run around so permanence doesn’t catch up to me, but all in this “search for permanence”. Delusion, avoiding, and thinking I’m safe in that grey zone. Because I’d rather stay there than let myself confront myself.
Sort of like solving a puzzle. When I’m done, all I want to do is tear it apart so I can do it again.
And I feel like I drew the outline already. For my life. That’s done. Now I just need to paint the picture. But I always get stuck on that step.
I don’t know…
Am I alone in this?
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What is that one mistake you made in life that you wish you could go back and correct, even if it means losing everything you have now? That one decision, that one moment, that one person you trusted, that one thing you said or did that changed your whole life forever. If you are given just one chance to go back in time and undo it, without telling anybody, will you do it? Be sincere, what is that mistake and why does it still hurt you anytime you remember it?
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Hi, Charles! Obviously if I ever hurt someone, I’d go back and not say or do the harmful thing, but other than that, I don’t want to change anything. It was all a lesson.
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You aren’t alone and uncertainty and change are two constants we can never escape. Rather than tearing the puzzle into more pieces to complicate things even more take a step back and look at the final picture. Cheers!
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You’re definitely not alone; sometimes the hardest part isn’t finding the answers but taking that first step. 🤍
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