a disappearing act


A handwritten note with a playful message, dated 4th of July, mentioning the transition from 2007 to 2008.
today I found the ancient scripts

Dear diary,

Today I had a *lyric* playing over and over in my head. It’s been driving me insane. I tried to write, but today is not the day. I tried to make a paper fan. I also glued a few receipts in my junk journal.

My basil is looking good, and my little neighbor gave me a toy turtle to put in the pot to keep the basil company. I should probably name it. Basil, that is. Nothing spoke to me yet whenever I looked at it.

I saw an eagle today, chasing a jay. I think it was an eagle. It’s hard to tell with the species we have around. Then I saw an eagle again, in my coffee mug.  

I have a dozen tabs open, and a dozen things started, but I can’t focus on one for too long. I feel like my mind is a mess, but it might just be a minor frenzy.

I guess it’s normal to feel this way with so many things becoming clear, and yet so much seems uncertain. I do feel on edge.

Is it possible to feel like you’re running a marathon, and like you’ve never made a single step in your life, all at the same time? You know, that specific type of being stuck?

It would certainly be exhausting.


Discover more from My Little Hawk

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Published by mylittlehawk

A blog about books, thoughts and travel

18 thoughts on “a disappearing act”

    1. I see it often, circling around my village. At least, I think it’s an eagle – I’m still not 100% sure 😅. That so comforting to hear that it does. I just need patience.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I tend to feel especially disordered just before I have a burst of getting stuff done and feeling focused, although today I’m foggy and it’s just a physical thing.

    I love when a theme arises in my day, for instance yesterday I heard the word ‘frisson’ a few times in different contexts, although it’s not a word I hear around me commonly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me, it’s the opposite. I struggle with focus, and then sometimes, I’ll have a brief window of what would look like focus, but I get jumpy, and can’t stick to one thing. Then it’s just a whole mess. I’m seeing this some hours later, but I hope you’re doing better now.

      I had to look that word up, as it’s not common for me, either. But it sounds as just what it means, if that makes sense 😅

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Discover more from My Little Hawk

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading