I’m standing over the sink, washing the glasses, and smiling to myself over the familiarity of the routine summer always sets up for me. The shouting of the orders over the counter, oil sizzling in the kitchen, clicking of the glasses on the bar trays as they are carried through the restaurant, Aneta’s laughter from the back, guests of many languages coming and going, tourists shouting under my balcony, cigarettes burning out, waves reaching for the shore, turning of the pages of the next book I’m reading.
I bought a ring inspired by my favorite movie – a cheap one, from a cheap website. (The movie’s „Howl’s Moving Castle“, as I may have mentioned before.) (If I were to ever get proposed to, I want that ring or no other. Like, if my lover were to propose with that ring, it’s an immediate „yes“. And yes, it’s that serious. It’s not about being superficial over a material thing. You’d understand if you watched the movie.) I was so happy. My heart grew exponentially, but it broke the next day. The little gem fell from the middle. Did I expect anything less from a two-euro ring? No, but I was still devastated. Anyway, an absolute gem of a person that she is, Aneta offered to bring me her red nail polish and color in where the gem was, so I could still wear it. Words can’t describe how much I appreciate that woman.
A new thing I’m currently into is crosswords. I also picked up arm and back exercises, because I’m standing all day, which can be exhausting. I had a health scare, but luckily it turned out to be nothing serious. My colleague/roommate tried to teach me how to play briškula. I don’t remember any rules or the names of each card. I was throwing cards on the table, not knowing if I was making the right move, but that movement reminded me of my grandpa, so I played a few rounds. It warmed my heart as much as it broke it a little.
I’m still waiting for all those summer stories and adventures to happen to me, too. It’s August, and I’m still anticipating. But the time passed. Maybe, I think I’m ready to slip into autumn already. This summer was like a valley I was slowly descending, and where I lost so much work I did this winter, elsewhere. There was much struggle, putting up with disrespect, re-evaluating my worth, establishing my voice, getting to know people and how they work, and learning how honest they really are. I didn’t expect I would have to do all that work.
Maybe the high temperatures enabled it, but I am growing restless, like when I can’t find a part of my sheets cold enough at night, so I’m tossing and turning. That turned out to be a general feeling. Maybe the summer takes too long. I feel like it’s been going on forever.
Summer isn’t really a time for writing. I feel like there’s always a need in me to take it all in and write it down. Like there’s so much to notice and tell, but eventually it gets lost in the heat of the pavement, AC humming in the background, and clamor of people filling the beaches and the restaurants. Summer always turns out to be the opposite of what I want it to be.
My Little Hawk 