go ahead

Rip the band-aid, Kejt!

The expectations you set early in life will follow you forever. You spoil your surroundings with your good example. You try to please everyone, even when you’re no longer a kid who needs to stand on tippy-toes or pull at the sleeves.

You set your own bar too high. Then you get older (mid-twenties, for example), your knees are bad, and you can’t jump that high anymore. And that pain makes you double over. And guess where that leads you? You’re double effed over.

Now you’re in discomfort and uncomfortable in your skin.

When you’re 18 and make a drastic life decision that might turn out to be a mistake, you’re grand! You’re just a kid, living the life. When you’re, let’s say, 26, for example, you feel too old to be reckless. You can’t pretend you don’t know the consequences now. You already think about the responsibility – you know, the thing that makes your back hurt?

You turn into a more careful person. And no, it doesn’t come with age. Not really. It comes as a result of the band-aid you were too afraid to rip off when you should’ve.

Because why am I (only) 26, completely lost in life, have not a single certain thing going on for me, and I am still scared to start? I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, but I shrink in my shell like a turtle when startled.

What are you so afraid of? I yell to myself as I bite my nails. I was so focused on the fear for the longest time that, in the meantime, I lost the picture of what I wanted to gain if I abandoned fear.

What does that even mean??

I guess what I want in life is that early-2000s rom-com vibe where the lead woman has a vague job in a cute office. She visits cafes more than anything, and hops around in a hurry, thriving even in her struggles. The only thing I have in common is a messy room. God, I need a cigarette!

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