lonely corner in a crowded room

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Speakers are blasting a familiar tune. People around me sway to the rhythm, but the smoke in the room doesn’t hide my lonely corner. I try to look amused, but my eyes betray me, dancing through the crowd to land on the door. No matter where I look, I always end up on doors.

I’m animated when someone talks to me, like a puppet that’s brought to life. I get to cosplay being alive and fun. Like I’m engaged in a very important and interesting discussion.

I only get a sudden urge to dance when the music is long behind me, like I’m trying to make up for lost time. Being that late to enjoying the party is a peculiar dysfunction of mine.

I compensate by creating my own playlist and fixing what happened in a daydream.

It burns double the energy, and I’m exhausted.

A beach scene with two straw sunshades, a calm sea in the background, and a bird flying above the water under a partly cloudy sky.

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Published by mylittlehawk

A blog about books, thoughts and travel

32 thoughts on “lonely corner in a crowded room”

      12. We had a very sudden switch into fall, so sweaters are already a must. Usually, we only get a biting winter in January and February. 😅

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      14. Thankss! I’m in my grandpa’s big old flannel shirt right now, and we had sooo much rain this week! It doesn’t really snow here, at least not in my region. We sometimes have it in either November or February, but it lasts like a day or two. I’ll post some photos so you can see, if it does fall this year 😁

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      16. I get it! I’m not the biggest fan of snow, because sometimes all that can be a bit overwhelming and inconvenient, too, but luckily it doesn’t fall much here, so we can enjoy it, but no storms and such 😅 I’ll show you what it looks like if it falls this year.

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      18. Yep! That is very true! Everyone does get happy because it’s not something we get often. 😄 me too, but first, the olive harvest season!

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      20. Yep, sort of! But when we get into the harvest season properly, I’ll show you, because it’s not like a singular field where they grow, but yes, we have a lot of olive trees 🤩 Exactly!

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    1. Thank you! 🤍 It used to hurt more because I was trying to put myself out there in a way that didn’t feel authentic to me, so I was feeling out of my skin constantly, which would only create more anxiety, but now I give myself more grace, so it’s actually fine, I guess 😅🦋

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    1. thankss! that was a crow my brother scared away even though i warned him that they remember faces!!
      i get that. i’m not really comfortable with small talk, and sometimes straight up forget to ask a follow-up question to continue the conversation, but then i get really animated when any of my “comfort” topics are mentioned. it’s fine. atp it’s just managing to get pass the awkwardness if possible.

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