You know when you walk into a room at the last minute, it’s already crowded, and the lecture has already started, so you squeeze through and stand in some corner somewhere, careful not to disturb anyone?
I internalized that routine of fleeting moments, of moving through life as if in passing. More a function than a person.
Taking care of myself doesn’t hold much meaning to me in such a setting. And then I was thinking the other day: why did they say you cannot love others until you love yourself?
I thought: what nonsense! That’s not the same.
But actually, am I being fair to myself? I’m the only person I spend all of my time with. I know all the habits. I know all the traits. I know every thought.
Would I be so unfair to others as to abandon them if I met their good and bad sides? Would I be mean to them, as I am to myself, if I spent time with all of their thoughts and all of their flaws (but what is a flaw anyway)?
You know what I do when I set out to make a self-care routine for myself? I need to create time for it. I need to deserve it, so I plan it for after work is done or a goal is met. I buy a face mask or grab a snack, and I plan the entire day of the things I want but don’t have the time to do. By the time that day has come, though, I feel silly and don’t think the achievement was that great.
Rinse and repeat.
Artistic expression used to be my way of taking care of myself. Because self-care is always presented as taking care of your body (important), your health (failed that), and your looks (capitalism), but what do I do with this mind of mine?
Art was that outlet. Whether getting inspired by others or creating my own.
Lately, I’ve been going back to this blue hardcover notebook I bought years ago. I made it into a journal where I wrote everything from my poor attempts at poetry to songs I’ve been listening to, pressed flowers, random scribbles, a how-to-take-care-of-a-cactus guide, and everything about bees.
It looks very pretty. There are still some pages left to fill in.
A lot of that love for art comes from being inspired by others, like watching my neighbor crochet the cutest, fanciest little bags (photos pending), admiring all of the amazing and inspiring people on here who share their thoughts, love, talent, and positivity, discovering new artists, or going back to my old favorites, marveling at the craftsmanship of the many amazing artisans, and a crocheted rose bag accessory that a friend made and gave me years ago. We’re no longer friends, but that rose reminds me of her, and I look back on our friendship fondly.
I know I said that my room is a mess, but a part of it is just artistic freedom, let’s call it. And where else would I find freedom if not in my room? It’s a space where I can express myself. You enter that room (you don’t actually) and you can tell that it’s mine. Posters, photos, memorabilia, a jar of shells, an overflowing pile of books, a music box with enough trinkets to make a crow jealous – all me.
I have to have that outlet. If I cannot express myself that way, it won’t do.
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My Little Hawk 
Beautiful drawings! Scorpions are awesome creatures! Love that they can glow in the dark.
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Thank youu! They are so cool, but we don’t really have them here. I’ve seen maybe five my entire life. They are not big or venomous, but my sister is still afraid 😅 I’ve heard that some of them can glow in the dark. That’s so cool!
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Yup be careful of the smaller ones they are more aggressive and potent, not enough to kill but will hurt a lot. Like I said awesome glow in the dark tanks! 😄
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Oof, don’t let my sister hear this, I’ve convinced her they’re not harmful 😅 Actually, my friend from Jordan told me about the glow, around Petra you can see a lot of them. So so cool!
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She’ll never know it from me 😄🙌🫶
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I loved this. 🤍 The idea of art as self-care really stayed with me. We often care for our body and forget that the mind needs an outlet too. 🤍 And your blue notebook sounds like such a beautiful little space for all the things that make you you. 🦋✨
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Thank you! 🤍 I fall into self-care frenzy every once in a while, where I set an entire routine, but no attention to my mind or how to actually rest.
Thank you! I’m very attached to my notebooks 😅🤍🤍
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Wait! The tower is gorgeous, but what’s that flying black object? I’m curious.
Yeah, sometimes, what we see is the magic of nature even if the camera is poor quality. 🤭 At least i witness the magic and documented it. Plus factor for me.
Thanks for your amazing photos. Same soul. I appreciate you deeply mentioning me. I never expected it. Such a lovely gesture.💚
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That’s a crow, caught in mid-flight 😄
You’re right about that. A photo is just a memory of a moment you lived.
Of course! I love the photography you share, so I figured you might’ve liked it. 🤗
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That opening image — slipping into a crowded lecture and standing in the corner so as not to disturb anyone — says so much in one sentence. And the idea that you’d never abandon a friend for the flaws you punish yourself for is worth sitting with. The blue notebook with pressed flowers, a cactus guide and everything about bees sounds like the good kind of self-care, the sort that doesn’t need to be earned first.
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Self-care is so important! I love the sound of your journal, creativity at its best. And yes, art is all around us.
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