Diary Entry From Vilnius

This little hawk flew over to Vilnius, Lithuania to spend a semester here at Vilnius University. This blog turned into an inconsistent journal, a sort of svaštara (Croatian jargon; name for a notebook with all kinds of notes on various topics) on the Internet, so let’s “read my diary” together, shall we?

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The purpose of this post is, yes, to journal, to gather my thoughts, but also to talk about different experiences, like, for example, a student exchange, and to show it in all its glory (not just the best parts). “Things never happen the same way twice, my dear” and I always make sure to remember that.

Diary Entry From Vilnius

September 2-8

During my first week here, I was so unmotivated and depressed. It wasn’t because of Vilnius. There were some other issues that I’ve since solved, but it did take away a lot of happiness and excitement from the start of this next chapter.

I felt like I was losing direction, like I’m the most unlucky person in the world, like I’ve been cursed. Not to get into those problems, but those were my thoughts – a lot of disappointment, betrayal, regret, anger. I was full of it.

You know when you feel like you’re losing your footing, and you grab onto anything not to fall? Well, that was me last week. Praying to God to send me some signs, to tell me that everything is alright and I’m on the right path. Tell me it’ll be worth it. That one day, it’ll all make sense.

September 9-15

Today, I was going through my camera roll. I was looking for something else, but I found the sign.

So, one of this city’s attractions is the Gates of Dawn, which is interesting not just from a historical and artistic standpoint but is also an important religious site. I walk through that passage almost every day on my way to uni.

A little further down the street, there’s the church of St. Theresa, which I entered one day (I find more peace praying in an empty church at random hours). I prayed, lit a candle, trying to collect my thoughts and let go of my worries, and on my way out, I found this on the wall by the entrance.

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I missed it on my way in, but I quickly took a photo to show my mom because it reminded me of Santiago de Compostela, where I was also living for a semester during my first Erasmus exchange. I thought these shells were characteristic of Santiago, or Galicia, only. The idea of the shells is that the lines represent many directions and paths, and they meet in one place, which would, for example, be the cathedral in Santiago. They act as arrows pointing the way.

Anyway, I started thinking to myself: isn’t it funny that something so (at least for me) distinctly Galician would also turn up here, in this new city that’s completely different to Santiago, but also to my country, completely different culture, people, language barrier, but that’s also my new home for the next few months?

I guess you’ll see the signs everywhere if you look for them. I felt lost and got an arrow pointing the way. It will be okay. And what I’m trying to say, and what I got from all this, is that being okay is a decision you make every day. I am deciding and choosing that every day, and tomorrow’s worries are on schedule for tomorrow to deal with. How does that quote go? “Don’t borrow grief from the future.”

Autumn in Vilnius

Some cities fit a specific weather vibe/aesthetic. For example, Santiago and Paris are rain cities, and Vilnius is a golden-hour city. I’ll have to wait for the snow to make my final judgment, but I can tell you, it is not a rain city. Although, the rain here falls so quietly. It’s so peaceful.

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Anyway, give me a few more weeks to get to know Vilnius, and then I’ll come back here to brag with my new knowledge.

Okay, thanks, bye!