calling now


A woman with long hair, wearing a white dress, walking along the shore of a dark beach at night, with calm waters and a slightly cloudy sky.

– Ben bir kez istenilmediğimi fark ettim; o günden sonra hep kapıya yakın oturdum. – dedi şair, ve ekledi: – Kapıya kadar ittiler, sonra o kapıdan çıktım diye suçlu ilan ettiler. –

I hate how I cannot, try as I might, transcribe silence onto paper. Silence is the best I can voice how I’m feeling and what I want to say. It’s not an absence of feeling. I hear silence the loudest. But that silence cannot take full form because it’s the most intimate and vulnerable.

I write to express myself, but I don’t think even language can explain it. And when I’m not trying to put myself on paper, I try to escape into other stories. Funny enough, that doesn’t work either. I feel like a writer (how wrong it sounds) full of stories that are not mine (I can’t do them justice anyway), and stories I never finished because they were too mine.

And where does that land me? Again and again, I circle back to the familiarity of the clearest sound I hear.


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Published by mylittlehawk

A blog about books, thoughts and travel

7 thoughts on “calling now”

  1. I’m comfortable to say that I’m a blogger than calling myself a writer coz I feel like the latter is so professional 🤩 besides, I only write about my life and not about academic.

    Silence! I always like that, but my mind wander always 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess why I picked that term is because it’s more of an umbrella term for the writing trajectory throughout my life. I did write stories, articles, novels, and academic papers, blogging being my latest. I used the term in the most literal sense as someone who writes (whatever that may be). But yes, it is tricky when it’s also a term for a profession. 😅
      Mine too, it’s just that it always goes somewhere where language can’t reach.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, tricky one for me.😁 Just my perspective. But, that word belongs to all who write indeed. The problem is the one who reads or interprets.🤩🤭

        If we let our mind, nah, it’s limitless.😁

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